this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The ass gains better be worth it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
