she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
