My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
