i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
