one two three fourrrrnication!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize