don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
