Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So squirting runs in the family.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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