I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
