I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
