Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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