Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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