Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
