your room smells of hookers.
And success
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize