They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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