Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
