I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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