Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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