he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
