from now on my penis is your penis
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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