I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is my gift to your gina
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize