You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
