he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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