I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
