I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize