i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
