Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
