I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
