I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my sisters under your porch take her home
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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