when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i think i just lost a toe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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