I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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