What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
