she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
