My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i will never coherently bang her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
