Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
