you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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