My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize