I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
