And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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