i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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