I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I CAN MOONWALK!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
