That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
