Your tits are I can't wait for
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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