I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
