The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
