You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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