Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
