Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You may now shotgun with the bride
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
