i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
