it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
