It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
