the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
