she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
birth control should be required to get into college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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