i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
