Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
