We're facebook friends in real life
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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