im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
