i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
