I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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