Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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