I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
