wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
