Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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