I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize