Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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