I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize