i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
