Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
