this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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