Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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