This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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