I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
