i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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