I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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