Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
